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  • Linda Ellis

Does Your Sex Life Suck?

Updated: Oct 21, 2021

If you’re less than satisfied with your sex life, don’t feel alone: There are billions of people in this world who share your frustration.

The bad news for the sexually frustrated? A fulfilling life between the sheets actually does matter. Good sex keeps you physically and emotionally healthier, and younger. It improves self-esteem and makes you feel better about your partner. It helps you to let go of the smaller conflicts in your relationship and lets you be more emotionally and intimately connected to your partner. The good news? For many individuals with between-the-sheets letdown, there is hope.

Your Erotic Life

Desire, or lack thereof, is shaped by various factors, including emotional connection, intimacy, attachment, time spent together and stress levels. However, these factors aren’t things you can’t help—you can proactively strive to produce desire. If you aren’t feeling desire for your partner, take a look at how much effort you are putting into your erotic life. A good relationship is created—it doesn’t just happen.


Contrary to desire, arousal is the physical feeling of being turned on. If you find you can’t get aroused once you are having sex, or if you can’t feel the erectile tissues in your genitals responding to touch or stimulation, there may be something else happening.

If you’re not aroused during foreplay or intercourse, talk to your partner. Start by exploring all the possible reasons why you’re not feeling sexually excited, then discuss some solutions. Some questions to ask are: “Have you had a rough day? Do you need to slow things down and take a long bath or sexy shower together? How about setting the mood with candles and music?”

Sexual Wellness

If that doesn’t work, sometimes it’s necessary to seek outside help. When the relationship becomes a low-sex or no-sex partnership, you may want to consider consulting a doctor and looking at prescription medications that work. Over fifty percent of men are affected by erectile dysfunction at some point in their life, which is one of the most common issues with male sexual health, along with premature ejaculation. These issues can be caused by stress, medications like antidepressants or habits (such as a history of masturbation to pornography). Whether you attempt to tackle the situation in the privacy of your own home or seek outside help from a professional, discussing your needs and wants, as awkward as it can be at times, is often the gateway to an orgasm.

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